June 12, 2008
Random Acts of Kindness
Last
week my uncle John Irick passed away suddenly of a heart attack. I didn't know
John as well as I would have liked, but he was a gentleman and a very
intelligent person.
I flew
down to attend his funeral because he was family and it seemed a meaningful
gesture to my aunt Naeda and my cousins JS (John Stockton) and Alyssa. It was a
good visit even though it was a sad occasion, and I was again impressed by
another of my fathers siblings who was so obviously intelligent and vibrant.
If I say
this as though a stranger, it would be mostly true. It had been many years since
I had seen Naeda and John. My father's family broke up back in the days when
divorce was not common, especially among Catholic families. Sometimes events
like these can leave strained relations and hurt feelings that linger long
generations after the fact.
As a result, when I was growing
up I didn't really get to know some of my relatives. My father's family is a
collection of the most talented, intelligent, and passionate people you are
likely to meet. It was a privilege to spend time with Naeda and her kids, my
cousins, and to relate to them what I had learned and experienced from my own
fathers death. Ironically, JS and I were the same age when our fathers died.
Sometimes you want to say
something but you don't know how it will be heard, what preconceptions people
will place on your words because of history or whatever. In those situations it
has worked best for me to listen to my heart and go with what I deeply feel. A
person may sometimes act the fool with the words they speak, but if those words
are obviously from the heart, in my experience anyway, people mostly give you
the benefit of the doubt because they see your intentions are good.
As 2nd Proverbs says: "the Lord
gives us wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds
victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is
blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his
faithful ones."
I've always understood this to
mean that if you have good intentions and try to follow what you know in your
heart is right, you will be watched over and guided.
The next morning I had a 3 AM
wake-up call so I could get to the airport early for my 6 AM flight back to
Detroit. It was 4:15 AM when I reached the Raleigh-Durham Airport and it was
deserted and I had no coffee in my system.
I stood at the NorthWest
Airlines counter solo about 15 minutes when another traveler showed up. She was
heading to Champagne-Urbana to be with her mother who was dying of complications
from Emphysema. We talked awhile about that and about how nasty cigarettes are
(she and I both used to smoke them) and about my wife's grandmother who used to
get the nursing home employees to buy her smokes and she'd hide them in her
clothes drawers.
About this time another 25 or so
people suddenly appeared. They all got in the regular line so I didn't notice
them all immediately as I was standing in the Elite line, which really just
means that I fly quite a bit and flying too much can make people cranky so the
airlines give you a faster line just in case.
After all the customers appeared
I began to see signs of life from the other side of the counter. The NorthWest
Airlines employees began popping in for a moment to load tickets into printers
and such; all the stuff to get ready to help their customers get from A to B.
Suddenly the crowd was straining at the leash; we could all sense the impending
start of customer service. Then THEY appeared.
It was almost freakish.
One moment everyone was behind the lines which demark the "being helped" from
the "being helped wannabes". Just as the first NW Airlines employees
looked as though she might call out in her clear voice "Can I help the first
person in line?" there was a trio of people there in front of everyone blocking
all three lines. Two of them were small elderly persons dressed in the manner of
someone from India and they weren't saying anything but they looked worried. The
young man, obviously their son from his demeanor, was appropriating the entire
customer service complex and he didn't even have the ticket with the next number
being served printed on it. I remember thinking that Germany had it's
advantages. Such an action there would be unthinkable, they probably have
special SWAT teams that rapidly deploy in such unthinkable circumstances.
I admit I was a bit bogued out
by the whole line jumping and lane hogging thing, but it was still early so I
just minded my own business and bided my time. Soon enough they would be served
and I could get my bag checked and go find out if the NW lounge was open at 5
AM. They have coffee there you see, and free high speed internet. At least for
the first several minutes I thought that. After that I was at first surprised
and then a bit irritated to see that they were STILL hogging all three lines
with the son standing over them like a lion defending it's kill from a pack of
hyenas. I switched my ear/brain interface on and started listening to the
escalating conversation to try and understand what the heck was going on.
After a couple more minutes the
situation was clear. The elderly people were indeed the younger mans parents.
They were from India and they neither spoke nor could read English. One or both
of them were flying to somewhere in India and the son was very concerned about
them making the transfer from one flight to the next in Detroit.
The airline employee kept trying
to explain to the younger man that they couldn't provide Hindi speaking escorts
to get them from one terminal to another for free. It wasn't a language they
supported like that, he would have to pay a $100.00 fee and make arrangements in
advance. He kept bringing up the promises made over the phone by some anonymous
NorthWest employee about the transfer and he wasn't acting like he felt the fee
was appropriate.
After another 5 minutes or so
dragged by it suddenly occurred to me that he wasn't going to give up and the
airline employee couldn't agree to his demands which included letting him beyond
the secure barrier into the vitals of the airport so he could personally escort
them to their gate.
Like I said, I fly quite a bit.
I recognized the look on the airline employees face, it was that deer in the
headlights look that says this guy is getting too aggressive and I can't help
him because it's against rules that none of us can break. In case you didn't
already know this, the airlines have rules and they have RULES.
RULES are never, ever broken ... rules sometimes are. Wherever the elderly
people were going they clearly were not going to be leaving Raleigh-Durham
except maybe in cuffs if the son pushed the counter employee a little harder.
Airlines are so terribly humorless these days.
With an air of entitlement only
possible from someone standing in the (blocked) Elite line I stepped forward and
asked what the problem was. I didn't ask him, I asked her because we shared a
bond: I fly NW frequently and she deals with people flying NW frequently.
Clearly we had something in common. Also of course I wanted the line to start
moving and at that moment there were probably few things she wanted more than
that same thing.
She explained again that the
elderly woman was flying to somewhere in India and had to transfer in Detroit.
The son spoke up and said his mother couldn't make it through Detroit Airport
without help and he wanted the airline to keep the promise the nameless person
on the phone had made. We were lining up to go around the whole argument again.
I forestalled that dire
possibility by saying, "Look this woman can't violate TSA guidelines and allow
anyone without a ticket into the secure part of the airport. No matter what you
say to her she can't agree to that, she just doesn't have the authority to make
that decision and neither does her boss." The NW employee nodded vigorously,
obviously relieved that someone understood that part of her dilemma.
The younger man started to
repeat his litany again about the promises that were made to him when suddenly
the answer to this problem popped into my brain and the words came unbidden out
of my mouth. I didn't even think first, I just opened my mouth and said, "I will
take responsibility for your relative." The younger man and the counter person
both looked at me like I had just said, "The crayon is purple" or something
likewise unexpected and indecipherable. I pulled out a business card and gave it
to the son and said, "I'm flying to Detroit too. I fly through Detroit Metro all
the time. I know the airport very well and I promise you she will make her
connection safely. You just need to explain to her that I will wait for her when
I get off the plane at the door and will walk her to the correct gate."
He looked a bit uncertain, but
giving him the card was the right thing to do. He had my name, and he could see
I was a business traveler. He agreed, the counter person was relieved, and the
people in the line behind our little negotiation team all said nice things about
my offer.
I checked my bag and waited for
the trio. She didn't check her bag, wanting to carry it on. The other two people
disappeared down an escalator waving goodbye to her and the little woman was
hurrying to catch up with me.
As we neared the security
checkpoint it suddenly dawned on me that I was escorting someone obviously from
another country who couldn't speak any English and had a carry on. Oops. What if
they questioned her? Geeze TSA loves to do that. Would they settle for her
answering in Hindi that she didn't understand them, and my assurances that the
little lady in the Sari was harmless? Heck I'd known her almost 10 minutes.
Life is so hard sometimes in the
morning before coffee.
It was clearly time for us to
just act like it was all totally normal. Fortunately this woman was smart and
she watched me carefully doing exactly what I did, removing her shoes and metal
stuff and packing it all in her bin like a real travelling pro. We breezed by
the TSA people, who at 5:15 AM were looking remarkably like fellow people
without coffee. I believe I could have gone right through with my pet
Tyrannosaurus and they wouldn't have blinked. Or maybe my course was being
guarded because my actions were just.
Whatever the reason, we got to
the correct exit gate and I gestured for her to sit. I checked with the gate
person, filling her in on the situation so the lady could board with me and I
could see her to her seat. The gate person offered to move her up to seat 5C
from the back of the plane so she was close. Clearly good deeds were a
contagious phenomena. I thanked her and we switched out the ladies boarding
pass. I got her onto the plane, stowed her carry on bag above for her, and took
my seat 1D in 1st class going right to sleep. Sleeping is my favorite thing to
do on a plane, especially at 5:30 AM and before coffee.
We got to Detroit and I waited
for her at the door, then we walked to the nearest monitor and I checked her
destination flight. It turned out she was flying to Evansville, Indiana not to
India! I could have sworn the NW person told me India, but I'm famous for not
hearing things. OK, it's Indiana. That means terminal C. We are in terminal A.
So we walked the forever walk from Terminal A to C, riding the five moving
walkways, going down the big escalator, doing three more moving walkways through
the weirdly beautiful light and sound art tunnel in between, then up another
really big escalator, and finally we arrived at terminal C. That's when I saw
that she was in the very last gate in C. I'm talking this is the last gate on
Earth. We rode six more moving walkways while I tried to monitor my walking
speed so I didn't go too fast, but the little lady dogged my heels the whole way
never more than two feet behind me. I got her to the correct gate, again
gestured for her to sit and be comfortable, and explained to another NW employee
what the woman's situation was and how I had become involved.
This woman also thanked me
profusely and promised to put her in the correct seat personally so she would
feel secure and looked after. I left feeling pretty good about doing a good
deed. I waved goodbye to her and she also waved but in addition she did that
praying hands in front of you bowing gesture that in India shows deep thanks and
gratitude. I returned the gesture because it's cool and it seemed both polite
and appropriate.
I looked back a bit later and
she was still waving good bye so I waved again feeling even better for helping
her, but as I walked out of the airport it really came to me how incredibly
privileged I had been that morning.
I was given the opportunity to
guide a stranger in a strange land through a difficult situation and to be sure
that she arrived back to her family safely and that she felt secure and cared
about by the people in that strange land.
It was an awesome and humbling
feeling because I really had just wanted to see her get to her destination and
it seemed such a small sacrifice to make on my part so she could get there. I
really hadn't thought about how frightening it must have been for her and for
her family too. I mean heck I knew what my intentions were but for them it must
have been a real leap of faith, or perhaps desperation, to accept my help.
I really hoped I would get an
email from the son, just telling me his mom had made it safely to Indiana, but I
didn't. It's not that I wanted thanks, I just wanted to hear than my erstwhile
travelling companion had indeed made it safely back to her family in Indiana. I
have faith that she made it though and I did my best to be sure she would. I
know I'd sure want someone to help my mom out in a similar situation.
As Anne Herbert said, "Practice
random acts of kindness, and senseless acts of beauty."
They are fun and they make you
feel really really good.